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Some Like It Cold/Transcript
Learning Your Mission *'Player:' Hi Chuck. How's it going? *'Chuck:' Ah, Player. It's good to see you again. *'Chuck:' I'm glad you stopped by. One of my polar bear agents was on Larry's trail and has been captured by the enemy. I'm going to need your help to break him out. Will you help? *''Accept quest'' *'Chuck:' Very good! *'Player:' How do you know your agent has been captured? *'Chuck:' I received a ransom note...of sorts. My agent, Teddy, was attempting to track down Larry. He went to investigate a lead and was never heard from again. Then I received a letter from the Walrus. *'Player:' A walrus? *'Chuck:' No. THE Walrus. He and the polar bears have a...delicate...truce. We control the land and permit him to patrol the seas. However, somehow Teddy has stumbled into his territory and has become a POW. *'Player:' A prisoner of war? I thought you said you had a truce! *'Chuck:' No, he's a Prisoner of Walrus. I don't know where he's being held, but I have intelligence reports saying a colony of seals have arrived on the coast of Rellekka, near Larry's boat. *'Chuck:' You need to convince them to take you to their camp and locate Teddy. *'Player:' Can I see a copy of the letter the Walrus sent? *'Chuck:' Of course. *''Chuck passes the letter through the cage bars.'' *'Chuck:' Let me teleport you to Rellekka to get you started on your path. *'Chuck:' That reminds me, you won't need to carry your penguin suit. Both Jim and I have copies of it, should you require to transform. Convincing the Seal *'Seal:' Mmmfph... What? *'Player:' I want to talk to you. *'Seal:' What do I get out of it? Talking bores me. Do something entertaining and then maybe I'll talk to you. *'1. How can I entertain you?' *'Seal:' I dunno. Maybe do a dance. Dancing is entertaining, mostly because humans look odd dancing. *'2. Why are you sleeping here?' *'Seal:' Because we're sleepy. *'3. I'm looking for a polar bear.' *'Seal:' Pfft, as if I'm going to help you! The Walrus would have my hide if I revealed the location of our prisoner. *'Player:' So you are holding him prisoner. Well, that's interesting. What if you arrest me? Take me prisoner? *'Seal:' I'm not going to now you've told me. I'm sleepy, not stupid! *'Player:' I'll have to think of some other way. *''Performing the "dance" emote'' *'Player:' Hmm. He doesn't seem very amused. *'Player:' Well? Was that entertaining? *'Seal:' Humph, not really. You've got no style. And it definitely needed more...I don't know. Something. Like a cowbell! *'Player:' A cowbell. Really? *'Seal:' Yeah, my favourite band uses cowbells. I shouldn't really listen to them, as they're penguins, but boy do they know how to jive! *'1. What's wrong with penguins?' *'Seal:' They're slaves and rebels. Or food. Very tasty food. *'Player:' Slaves? Rebels? I thought they were aiming for world domination. *'Seal:' Exactly. Slaves shouldn't have power. So we eat them. *'2. Where does your band live?' *'Seal:' I don't know. With other penguins, probably. A lot of their songs were about being oppressed by some guard. Ping and Pong's Costumes *'Player:' I better get in the penguin suit before I talk to them. *'Ping:' Uh, actually, dude, it's okay. We've known for a while. *'Pong:' Yeah, man. We were kind of hoping you'd learn to accept yourself as you are and feel comfortable telling us. There's nothing to be ashamed of, there's nothing wrong with being human. *'Player:' You knew? How? Why didn't you say something? *'Ping:' Dude, it was something you needed to realise for yourself! We didn't want to rush you. It was pretty obvious, though. I mean, you just had these vibes... *'Pong:' But we don't care man, you're still our best bud. I bet your aura feels totally cleansed now you've got that off your chest. *'Player:' Yeah, I do actually feel better. *'Player:' What are you guys doing out here, anyway? *'Ping:' Oh man, we're experimenting with the sound vibrations through ice. It's totally glacial. *'Pong:' It's for our next album: Cowabongo. *'Pong:' Yeah, dude. we'd like to go on tour to promote it more, but we haven't managed to line up any gigs and we don't have the right threads. You've got to have the right threads, man. *'Player:' Well, I can help with that! I've got a gig for you, just off the coast of Rellekka. Some big fans of your cowbell. I bet I can help with your...threads...too. What do you need? *'Pong:' That would be bodacious, man. We've got all the supplies to make some stellar costumes, but we don't have any thumbs. *'Player:' If you give me the supplies, I'll get the costumes made. *'Ping:' Awesome, dude. There's a crafting table in the 'berg, where the dwarves were making the submarine parts. You can use that, or if you have one at your house. *''Ping hands over the supplies.'' *'Ping:' Don't lose these, dude! Tooks us months to save up ration cards to get them. If you lose them you'll have to replace them yourself. *''Making the costumes'' *'Ping:' Dude, have you finished our spectacular threads? *'Player:' Yup, I've got them right here. *''You hand over the costumes.'' *'Pong:' Dude, these are tubular! I'm never gonna take this off. *'Ping:' Man, I totally agree. You can totally make a set for yourself, if you ever want to. *'Ping:' Dude, where's the gig going to be? *'Player:' It's on the coast of Rellekka. We'll just take the canoe over. *'Ping:' Let's go dudes! Time to roll this rock! *'Player:' There's something else you should know. This isn't just any gig, it's a gig for some seals, who I'm hoping will lead me to the Walrus. He's kidnapped a friend of mine and I need to rescue him. *'Ping:' Wicked man! Spy games. Don't you worry, we won't blow your cover, dude. We are the souls of discretion. *'Player:' I'm sure. Infiltrating the Prisoner of Walrus Camp *''When on the boat'' *'Ping:' Let's sing a song! *'Pong:' The wheels on the boat go up and down! *''When first on Rellekka shore'' *'Pong:' Let's go do this gig! *''After the show'' *'Seal:' Arf arf! That was great! You have to come do a show for us at the camp. *'Ping:' We'd love to do a show for you dudes. We need our roadie to come with us, though. *'Seal:' I guess it'll be okay. Just make sure he doesn't do anything bad. *''When wearing items'' *'Seal:' Oi! This isn't some vacation camp we're going to. You can't take anything in with you The Walrus *'Walrus:' You plebians are disturbing my quiescence. All I wish for is a moment of quit reflection. *'Walrus:' I'm going to have my delectable egg dinner and then a respite. If you provoke me with your pandemonium - well - ut sementem feceris ita metes: as you sow, so will you reap. Encountering Larry *'Player:' Hi, are you Teddy, the PBJ agent? *'Teddy:' My name is Theodore... *'Player:' Okay, Theodore. I've come to rescue you. Chuck said you had a lead on where Larry might be. *'Teddy:' Oh, it's more than a lead. Larry's here. *'Player:' What? He's here? Why haven't the two of you escaped? It can't be that hard for the two of you to get away. *'Teddy:' Larry won't escape. *'Player:' You're talking crazy. Larry'd be out of here faster than...something fast. *'Teddy:' I can't explain it; you won't believe me. You need to see him for yourself. He's around here somewhere. *'Player:' I think I found him. *'Larry:' Squak! *'Player:' Larry? What's going on? Why are you dressed like that? *'Larry:' SQUAK! *'Player:' Okay, you think you're a penguin. Even penguins don't talk like that! Tell me what's going on! *'Larry:' Fine. I'm upset because I don't have an egg. I can't help the motherland if I don't have children. I need an egg. And you're a smelly human. *'Player:' Larry, snap out of it! This isn't you. Penguins are bad, don't you remember? You made me risk my life infiltrating their iceberg, and I accidentally gave the Pescaling my disguise, and he used it to build a submarine. *'Player:' And then you put my life in danger again by making me infiltrate the submarine and sabotage it while I was still on it! *'Player:' Come on, Larry! Don't you remember the good times? *'Larry:' Oh yeah, I remember. You're a traitor to the motherland! *'Player:' Oh Larry. I didn't think there was a new level of crazy for you to attain. Teddy and I will have to figure out a way to get out of here. *''If talking to Larry after the initial conversation'' *'Larry:' I am the eggman. Where is the walrus? Woo woo woo. *'Teddy:' I can tell you've spoken to Larry. Do you understand now why he won't escape? *'Player:' He must be secretly planning something. Luring them into a false sense of security or some other ploy. *'Teddy:' Don't delude yourself. You think I didn't think of that already? I've been observing him closely, and there's been no change. He's convinced he's a penguin. He must be brainwashed or something. *'Player:' I don't understand. How did he end up here with the seals? The penguins had him! *'Larry:' I haven't been able to find out. From what I've pieced together, it seems the seals captured a submarine, the carcass of which you see in the camp. I think Larry and all these other penguins must have been on board. *'Player:' We've got to get Larry out of here. He needs help. *'Teddy:' He won't cooperate. I tried forcing him and we got caught and I got put in this ridiculous outfit. He won't shut up about that egg. *'Player:' Then that is step one: get him an egg. Operation: Obtain Egg *'Player:' Noodle! What are you doing here? *'Noodle:' Don'kno' you mate. Wot? *'Player:' Oh, yeah...Last time you saw me I was a penguin. I gave you tar and feathers and you gave me a fake ID card. *'Noodle:' Ah, yer. Fake IDs weren't enough, eh? You wen' trans-species. My Uncle Pesto did that, bur we dun talk bout 'im much. *'Player:' Why are you here? *'Noodle:' Yer...May have given bad odds on seagull fight. *'Player:' Well, lucky for me you did. I need something smuggled in. I need an egg. *'Noodle:' Soz mate, no smugglin' here. The fuzz are too tough. Cor' I can do some info. Bu' oi bet yur escapin' an oi wan' in. *'Player:' Keep it down! Yes, we're planning an escape. I suppose I can bring you, too. What information do you have in exchange? *'Noodle:' Li'l birdy tol' me dat yur mate Larry wurz brainwashed in th'mutherland. They wuz trainsportin' em wen the fuzz cot em. *'Player:' I'd guessed that much myself! What about an egg? *'Noodle:' Err, I hurd the Walrus eats em for lunch. Moit wanna check hez hut. *''If talking to Teddy without the egg after talking to Noodle'' *'Player:' Noodle can't smuggle anything in or out. He thinks there is an egg in the walrus' hut though. I'm going to go check that out. *'Walrus:' Blasted seals. Always making a ruckus. I swear, they make one more sound and I shall make a cravat out of them. Good thing I installed that sound monitor by the door. Maybe I'll get some peace tonight. *'Player:' Hmm, looks like he's having an egg for dinner. I need to get him out of the cabin long enough to get the egg. *'Player:' Teddy, we have to make enough noise to get the Walrus out here. You need to dance or something! *'Teddy:' How degrading. I can't promise to do it for long, I'll probably get a headache. *'Player:' The Walrus has an egg in his cabin. We need to make enough noise to irritate him and make him leave long enough for me to go in and grab it. *'Pong:' Totally sounds like a job for us, dude! We'll get these seals clapping. You should see if you can get anyone else around here to perform. *'Ping:' It's going to take a lot of sustained clapping to annoy that moustachio'd dude. *'Player:' I bet you can't bounce that ball 100 times. *'Bouncer:' Can so! You just keep checking in - I'll prove it to you. The Ruckus *''This dialogue doesn't come in any set order until the Walrus comes out'' ;Not noisy enough * Walrus: I guess those seals are finally paying attention and keeping quiet. * Walrus: At last some peace and quiet.text ;Noisy enough * Walrus: What is that rumbling? * Walrus: I swear I hear clapping. * Walrus: This is your final warning! I know you are making a ruckus"" After getting the Walrus out of his house * Walrus: Did I not warn you of the consequences of disturbing my respite with your tumult? Was it not enough that I confiscated those abominable circus toys of yours? * Player: I better go steal that egg while he's distracted. * You steal the egg. Making an Escape Plan *'Player:' Larry, I got you an egg. *'Larry:' My baby! Ooh, aren't you a pretty egg? Yes you are! Yes you are! *'Player:' No parent would want to raise their child in a prison camp. Surely you will want to escape with us. You want to do what's best for your egg. *'Larry:' You're right. This is no place to raise Sheldon. *'Player:' Sheldon? Really? *'Player:' You know what? Fine. I'm not even going there. *'Player:' At least now he'll cooperate. I better form an escape plan with Teddy. *'Player:' Larry has the egg and agreed to escape. *'Teddy:' Joy. How are we going to escape from this depressing place? *'Player:' You must have had a plan?! *'Teddy:' *Sigh* I wasn't planning on being captured, why would I have a plan to escape? *'Player:' I guess I could ask all the penguins, see if any of them have a plan. *'Teddy:' This will all end in tears. Most likely, my tears. *''If talking to Ping and Pong...'' *'Player:' Any ideas about how we could escape here with Teddy and Larry, guys? *'Pong:' We could..uh no...where would we get rubber pants our size? *'Ping:' Yeah dude, that wouldn't work. What if we.... *'Pong:' No way, man. How would we find three flamingos? *'Player:' I'll let you two think about it for a while, shall I? *'Teddy:' You'll never get anything useful out of those two. Best try the others. *''If talking to Noodle...'' *'Player:' Any ideas about how we could escape here with Teddy and Larry? *'Noodle:' Errr, we cud tar and fevar the seals. *'Player:' Why would we tar and feather the seals? *'Noodle:' Dunno, jus sounds fun, mate. *''If talking to Plaza...'' *'Plaza:' Go away, whippersnapper. I'm thinking about my next move. *'Player:' Move in what? *'Plaza:' Invisible chess, obviously! *'Player:' I need help with a plan to- well, I don't want to say in front of the seal. *'Astoria:' Let me just cover my ears. Oh, wait. My flippers can't reach them. You are so insensitive. *'Plaza:' With ears that small it's a wonder you can hear anything! I'm not helping you, human. I'm in the middle of a game, any distractions and I won't remember where my pieces are. *'Player:' So, you ever thought about escaping from here? Did you make any plans? *'Penguin:' Yeah, I've got a plan. *WHISPER, WHISPER, WHISPER* *'Player:' That's madness! *'Player:' I think there are 5 more penguins to talk to. *'Player:' Any bright ideas for how to escape? *'Penguin:' Hmmm, what about this? *WHISPER, WHISPER, WHISPER* *'Player:' I'm not sure how the killer whale would feel about that. *'Player:' I think there are 4 more penguins to talk to. *'Player:' Psst! You got an escape plan? *'Penguin:' I was pondering something. *WHISPER, WHISPER, WHISPER* *'Player:' Where would we get that much underwear? *'Player:' I think there are 3 more penguins to talk to. *'Player:' Comrade! Report your escape plan to me! *'Penguin:' Sir, yes sir! *WHISPER, WHISPER, WHISPER* *'Player:' Let's put a pin in that and come back to it later. *'Player:' I think there are 2 more penguins to talk to. *'Player:' Hi! I was just curious, are you planning an escape? *'Penguin:' Shh! The Seals may hear you! *WHISPER, WHISPER, WHISPER* *'Player:' Okay... Well, we can always use that as a back-up plan. *'Player:' I think there's 1 more penguin to talk to. *'Player:' Have you got any ideas for how to escape? *'Penguin:' I was thinking...*WHISPER, WHISPER, WHISPER* *'Player:' But what if it is a dream? *'Player:' I think that's all the penguins in the camp. I should talk to Teddy. *'Player:' Survey complete. These are the ideas: *'Player:' We could make a lasso out of underwear and snag a trip on an albatross. *'Teddy:' ... *'Player:' We could fire ourselves onto the mainland using the blowholes of killer whales. *'Teddy:' Did they fail to notice the 'killer' in the name of that whale? *'Player:' We could lie on our backs and spell the word 'Help!' in penguins. *'Teddy:' You're aware that penguins are mostly white when they lie on their backs... *'Player:' Pull a fire alarm, and use the chaos to escape on rafts. *'Teddy:' Not bad, except for not having fire alarms. Or rafts. *'Player:' Make another iceberg, the same as this one, and move the seals over when they're asleep. *'Teddy:' I can't decide if that's madness or genius. Whichever it is, it won't work. *'Player:' We could combine our powers to create Megapenguin *'Teddy:' Our powers combined would just create an even bigger flightless bird with a fluffy belly. *'Player:' Guess we're back to square one. *'Ping:' Dude! We had an idea. *'Pong:' Yeah, man. It's a stellar idea. Why don't we do what we came here to do! Put on the most amazing rock show EVER! *'Teddy:' *Groan* I'm going to go mad if I have to listen to one more idiotic penguin idea. *'Player:' Wait...wait. What if we did rebuild the sub, but we disguised the work as being part of preparing for the rock show? *'Ping:' DUDE! That would make an amazing stage! We'll be up there shaking our cowbells and moving their souls. *'Player:' Err, you do realise we won't actually do the show, right? It's a front to hide our escape. *'Pong:' whatever, man. You build it and they will come. The Rock Gods will come. *'Player:' Right... Anyway, I think this could work. Teddy, can you repair the submarine? *'Teddy:' Perhaps, but not without plans and help. I never saw the submarine in action so I don't know how to rebuild it. *'Player:' Okay! I'll get some blueprints from one of the penguins that was captured from the submarine. Any idea who I should speak to? *'Teddy:' I believe that older penguin by the kitchen worked on the sub. Making a Battlefish Game Board *'Player:' Excuse me, can you help me? *'Astoria:' Checkmate! HA. *'Plaza:' That doesn't count. You fudged the board three moves ago. Besides, chess is for wimps. A real challenge is Battlefish. *'Player:' Err, hello? *'Astoria:' The two-legs is talking to you. *'Plaza:' Eh? *'Astoria:' TWO-LEGS! TALKING! *'Plaza:' Don't be daft. Legs can't talk. Oh, it's you, human. What do you want? *'Player:' I want to rebuild the submarine. Do you know how it was built? *'Plaza:' I should hope so, seeing as I built it. Along with those short, bearded fellows. However, I don't just give that information out for free. I want something for my expertise. *'Player:' Okay, what do you need? *'Plaza:' : I want to play Battlefish with this mutton-head, but I need an actual game board and pieces to do it. No more invisible board games! It needs to have a chequered pattern on it and game pieces. *'Astoria:' You know two-legs can't remember anything. Write it down for 'em. *''Plaza hands you a list.'' Talking to Plaza and Astoria again. *'Plaza:' Well, whippersnapper? You finished making me a Battlefish game? *'1. I'm having trouble figuring out how to make it.' **'Plaza:' Well, use your imagination. Try and find things around the camp you can cobble together to make game pieces. **'Astoria:' I like carving things with my teeth. Maybe you should carve the pieces out from something'.' *'2. Can I have a copy of the shopping list, again?' **'Plaza:' Can't even keep a track of a simple list? What's wrong with you? ***'Plaza:' You already have the list. ***''Plaza hands you a list.'' *'3. I want to ask you about something else.' **'1. What can you tell me about the Walrus?' ***'Plaza:' Ha! That old fart... Worst thing that ever happened to my people, he was. ***'Astoria:' That depends entirely on your perspective. I'm sure penguins younger than you would disagree. ***'Player:' What happened? ***'Astoria:' The Walrus showed up, one day, and united all the seal tribes. He demanded the penguins be our servants. ***'Player:' I don't see how that was a good deal for the penguins. ***'Astoria:' It wasn't. But it finally pushed them over the edge and gave them some backbone. They broke away on an iceberg and made an attempt at freedom. I like them lot better now they've got some backbone. That's why I put up with this crank. **'2. Should you to be fraternising?' ***'Astoria:' Pah, what's this old crank going to do? Fly away? Nah, it's boring here and all these young idiots are obsessed with stupid things like the circus. ***'Plaza:' I could escape if I wanted, but where would I go? Back to that idiot Pescaling and his ridiculous ideas about taking over the world? That wasn't what any of us wanted. He just went mad. **'3. What's this camp for?' ***'Astoria:' What does it look like it's for? Holding prisoners. ***'Player:' But what do you plan to do with them? ***'Astoria:' No idea. It's above my pay grade. **'4. Tell me about your homeland.' ***'Plaza:' I haven't seen our homeland in many years; not since we broke away. ***'Player:' Tried to take over the world, you mean. ***'Plaza:' What do you know, two-legs? We were trying to find a sanctuary. ***'Player:' From what? ***'Plaza:' There was a delicate balance in our homeland. The seals lived on the coast and in the water. The polar bears lived inland. Penguins moved between the two. We served the polar bears, and though some times cruel, they were good masters. They protected us from this lot. ***'Astoria:' You were tasty! You can;t expect us not to give in to primal instincts. The Walrus showed up one day, and united all the seal tribes. He negotiated a truce with the bears that we could have penguins servants too, and we'd keep out of each other's way. ***'Plaza:' We had no other choice but to flee or face further enslavement. You tell me, two-legs. We've been trying to build up an army ever since, to hold our own agains this lot. *'4. Never mind.' An Icy Retreat *'Walrus:' Asinine imbeciles! Has it not crossed your miniscule minds that the penguins caused this destruction to cover up their escape? Pursue them with celerity! *'Teddy:' Do you want me to explain the situation, or do you have everything under control? *Yes, please explain. *'Teddy:' We're being pursued and the ship is in bad shape. *'Teddy:' You need to assign everyone jobs to keep this ship repaired, otherwise we're doomed. *'Teddy:' You also need to send counter attacks to the seals, via the periscope in the next room. *'Teddy:' That shaking means we've taken irreparable damage. The only way for us to escape is for you to destroy all of their ships before ours is destroyed. Miscellaneous Dialogue *'Seal:' The Walrus sure was mean, taking away all of our circus toys. *'1. Tell me more about the Walrus.' *'Seal:' He's our leader. Before him we just ate penguins and lay on the coast taking naps. And sometimes fought polar bears. Now we're organised and wear uniforms and have jobs. *'Player:' Is that better than before? *'Seal:' Umm, I guess so. I kind of miss napping, though. *'Player:' Where did the Walrus come from? Why did you let him become your leader? *'Seal:' Have you seen how big he is? None of us could have stopped him if we wanted to. I don't know where he came from, he just has always been. *'2. Why did you dress the polar bear up as a clown?' *'Seal:' Well, we all really like being entertained. One of us went to the circus once, and ever since then it's been our favourite entertainment. The bear tried to escape so we decided he should wear a clown suit entertain us. *'Seal:' We had other circus toys, too, but the Walrus took them away. He said we were making too much of a ruckus with them. I don't even know what a ruckus is! *'3. What's this camp for?' *'Seal:' It's where we put Prisoners of Walrus, of course! *'Player:' But why do you need prisoners? What did they do wrong? *'Seal:' They're penguins and they built that ugly abomination of a 'ship' and started swimming in our waters. *'Seal:' Nobody swims in our waters. So we captured them. We might have eaten a few, too. *'4. Tell me about your homeland.' *'Seal:' It's lovely. There's nothing around but white ground and blue sea. *'Player:' Who else lives there? *'Seal:' Well, we seals, and the Walrus. The polar bears live on the land, mostly. Them and the penguins. The penguins used to just serve the polar bears. *'Seal:' but when the Walrus came along, he saw the injustice of it, and made them serve us too. *'Player:' The penguins were slaves to polar bears? *'Seal:' Sure! That's what they're there for. What else would they do? It's not like they're proper birds and can fly. Transcript